Girl Warrior. Get a kick out of life. Have fun. Find things that amuse and delight you. Not just once and awhile. But every day. Don’t put it off for the weekend. For vacation. Or another time. Hoot and holler right now. Find your zippity doo dah.
Make a joyful sound. Cause a ruckus. Bang on your drum all day. Laugh your guts out. Until you cry. Embrace happiness. Enjoy the people you’re with right this very second.
Let them see your playful radiant blithe heart.
I’m not big on resolutions. New Year’s or otherwise. But I do want to be a better, kinder, gentler me. More loving. More magnanimous. More heart. More soul. More La Bamba.
And what better time to start a self-improvement regime than on January 1 of each year.
Fresh starts, heroic efforts and good intentions aside, odds are I’ll be a kaleidoscopic mixed bag of goodies and baddies this coming year. Just like last year and the year before that. And the year before, before, before. You get the picture. For this is the enigma that makes living sweet and interesting. Irresistible and delicious. Inspiring and auspicious. I could soar with the divine Messengers of God. Or grovel in the mud with the Prince of Darkness himself. Who knows. That’s the intriguing part. The ride. The rock. The roll of this thing called life.
But let’s imagine for a moment, I was big on resolutions. Picture me sitting at my computer on New Year’s Day typing up an entire year’s worth of aspirations, desires and goals.
Categorically they might go something like this:
Spiritual:
I’ll be more spiritual. Or not. I may just float this boat into the sea of iniquity. Not intentionally. That’s not me. But I might drift off-course from time to time. I’m human. Shit like that happens. Most days though, I’ll continue with my daily letters to God. I love these intimate conversations. They’re a bit one-sided at times but they do make me feel better. A daily emotional dump into the neatly lined pages of a Hilroy notebook is remarkably cathartic. Good for the Soul. I’ll work on being kinder and more loving to everyone, even those who are difficult to like, much less love. I’ll pray and open the eyes of my heart. I’ll listen with compassion and empathy. I’ll tread lighter on the earth. I’ll work on my awesomeness. Maybe even turn myself into sauce.
Physical:
I’ll be more physical. Or not. At times I’ll laze around, eat rubbish and binge-watch every season of Sons of Anarchy or Breaking Bad, even though I already did that last year. Some resolutions are worth repeating. There will be other binges as well. Like too much turkey and cranberries at Thanksgiving. Too many bottles of alcohol-free wine. Oh, the shame of it all. But there will be redemption. I will continue with my daily practice of yoga because it still manages to keep me somewhat limber. And without going all Zen on you, it’s a conduit to my higher self. I like that place in me. I’ll walk the winding country road during my lunch breaks. With every twist and bend there’s a brood of hens or flock of sheep that delight me, no matter how many times I see them. Similar to how I feel about my children. I’ll also keep running every morning. Learn new things from the hill. Or maybe not. It might simply be one steep mother of a hill that I have to drag myself up to get home. Sometimes a hill is just a hill.
Family:
I’ll spend more time with my family. Or not. It’s entirely possible that they don’t want to spend more time with me. They do have lives of their own. So there’s that. Wonderful lives that have nothing to do with me. Hard to believe I know, but true. But still, I’d like to see more of them. And, this includes my extended family and friends. You and you and you. Sadly, I’m guilty of being socially lazy. I’m the sloth of the soiree. But I can do better. I vow to do better. We’ll meet in places other than Facebook. I’ll get off the couch. Turn off the reruns of SoA or BB and hook up with you dear ones. We can chat over tea in a coffee house. Go to a concert and lose our hearing. Attend a poetry reading at a used bookstore. Dance our asses off in the middle of the street. Sing our own Coke commercial. It doesn’t matter what we do. It’s about the familial connection and glue. I’d love to spend all kinds of crazy-time with you, deepening the bonds of family. What about you?
Work:
I’ll work harder. Or not. Maybe I’ll work smarter. Or not. Truthfully, I don’t even understand what that expression means. Sounds like motivational mumbo jumbo. I’m smart. I work. I do my very best. Every day. But most importantly, I show up. That’s critical, I think. Especially when you work with other people who are counting on you. It’s a pretty simple philosophy. One that’s always worked for me. And if you enjoy the work you do, then bonus. And if not, take a look inside. The wisdom dwells there. But first you gotta show up.
Play:
I’ll play more. Or not. I have no idea what that means either. Do I go out and frolic in the sun? Run through mud puddles? Roll around in the dirt. Fly a kite? Play Cards Against Humanity? Join an organized sport? Ride a bike or a scooter? These all sound like legitimately fun things to do. I might even give one or two the old College try. But most likely, I’ll carry on doing the things I’ve always done for fun. Write. Read. Play music. Sing in the shower. You may find these activities horribly dull. I guess at the end of the day, or year, we have to define our own fun. And as Nike says, just do it.
Financial:
I’ll be more wealthy. Or not. Bottom line, I don’t care. I’ve never been driven by the money. Why start now? It gives me heartburn just thinking about it. I prefer to do the things that delight and amuse me. Tickle my fancy. Capture my imagination. Challenge my status quo. Some of those things pay fairly well and keep food on the table. Others don’t pay a cent. But I love doing them just the same. Maybe even more. Like writing this blog, for instance. I’d be a penniless beggar if this was how I made my living. But it brings me enormous pleasure and joy. It’s gratifying beyond my wildest expectations. And if these things, these heavenly intangible things, were currency? I’d be a millionaire. Ten times over. And that’s good enough for me.
There you have it. Words to live by? Could be. Words of wisdom? Possibly. Words worth repeating? Maybe not. You tell me.
Now back to reality. The big reason I don’t do resolutions is that I can’t keep them. Why would I set myself up for failure? I can’t take that kind of pressure. Can you?
So rather than engaging in all forms of frenetic doing, accomplishing, goal setting and achieving, I choose to relax into the year. Let it unfold organically. Bask in the wonder and glory and pleasure of it all. Smell the roses and the coffee and the intoxicating aroma of life. Embrace the git and grime and messiness. Revel in the perfectly miraculous humanness.
No doubt, I’ll trip over myself along the way. But I’ll enjoy the tumble for it’s not the end of the world. A fall is just a fall after all.
I encourage you to do the same. Pursue the things that you find worthwhile. That add meaning to your life and to your tribe. Be mindful that it isn’t always lofty or profound or life-altering. But it is essential. Take time to sit still and do absolutely nothing. For it’s in moments like these that you get to know the wonder of you.
Now go on. Give yourself a big fat passionate hug. Tell yourself you’re beautiful. Glorious. Loving. Full of awesome sauce. There’s no one else in the universe quite like you.
Then resolve to tell someone else to do the same.
Sitting in the window of an abandoned farmhouse.
I have written a lot posts for all the magnificent Girl Warriors in my life. My strong, fierce and beautiful daughters, grand daughter, daughter-in-law and the original warrior, Ma. Plus all the others, near and dear to me. All glorious inspirational women.
I also have a son. He is equally magnificent in my eyes. Yet in many ways he’s a mystery to me. A charming and perplexing enigma. Perhaps it’s because he’s a boy and at the end of the day I must admit that I don’t fully understand the male species.
I was young when he came into the world. So was he. In truth, we grew up together. He has taught me much since that wondrous day when I looked into his dark raisin eyes for the very first time. I am eternally grateful for all the learning through the years. Even the difficult stuff. I’ve probably learned more through those experiences than from the easy breezy butterfly days.
So many rights of passage we shared. The holding close. And the letting go. All those milestones. From the first step. To the walk across the stage to receive his degree. Everything in between. Proud mother moments. Heartbreaks and heroics. Flights of fancy and family ties. Unbreakable bonds. Love is born. And grows eternal in this mother-son relationship.
He stands shoulder to shoulder with the three other good men who I love dearly. My strong and gentle big brother, my solid husband and my complicated father. Each seemingly different. At least on the exterior. At once complex and full of mystifying layers. Yet also sublimely straightforward and uncomplicated. Always sincere. Forthright. Honest. Kind. They are the faces of strength, courage and tenderness in my often anxious world.
The 10 Steps to Becoming the Man We All Love:
The Old Man was so delighted with his grandson.
1. Be your own man. Authentic. Genuine. 100% bona fide you. The real thing. Don’t be an impostor. Nor live a vicarious life. Grab a hold of what matters to you. Put on your own jersey. Strap on your own skates. Play the game you love. Not someone else’s. Be an original. A maverick. The natural. Always be the guileless boy who looks at the world with wide-eyed wonder. Forever rub your hands together with glee and pure joy. Be the spontaneous boy. And the solid man. Work with your full range of emotions. Express yourself completely. Thoroughly. Freely. And if a tear falls. Let it.
2. Be brave-hearted. Stand tall. Stare down your fears. Look them straight in the eyes. Laugh at them. Call their bluff. Walk right through them. Don’t go around. Don’t avoid. Face them head-on. Know that all courageous men have fears. Life is scary sometimes. For all of us. Don’t be a victim. Instead be valorous. Do no shrink. Roar. Hoot and howl. Feel the fear and get on with it. There are no boogeymen under the bed. No monsters hiding in the closet. Myths. False emotions appearing real. That’s all. And always remember that you are far bigger than your fears.
My big brother with my nephew and my son sharing a cuddle.
3. Get a real kick out of life. Have fun. Find things that amuse and delight you. Not just once and awhile. But every day. Don’t put it off for the weekend. For vacation. Or another time. Play right now. Cause a ruckus. Bang on your drum all day. Shake your tambourine. Laugh your guts out. Make a fool of yourself. Embrace happiness. Enjoy the people you’re with right this very second. Surround yourself with the lighthearted ones who put a smile on your face. Take delight in every minute of this life you are given.
4. Be a loving man. And you will be loved. Guaranteed. More than you could ever imagine or dream. Open your heart wide and let in the love. Don’t run from it. Strong men have the guts to be tender. Kind. Compassionate. Be a Gentle Ben. Tom, Dick or Harry. And remember, love isn’t always perfect. Accept that sometimes it will hurt. That’s okay. Don’t let this frighten you. Don’t push it away. Or turn your back. Don’t give up on it. Love refines your heart and grows your compassion muscle. Most importantly, learn to recognize love when it comes your way. It doesn’t always come gift wrapped. It may be completely different from what you had in mind. Better even. In fact, the best thing that ever happened to you.
The proud uncle with his lookalike niece.
5. Find your tribe. Your band of sisters and brothers. The ones where you fit in. Belong. Feel at home with. For these will be your family. Some related by blood. Others by the heart. Surround yourself with people you trust, respect and enjoy. You don’t have to always agree. You don’t even have to always get along. But these are the faithful ones. Loyal. Steadfast. And true. The ones who will be there for you. With you. By your side. Through thick and thin. The ones who have your back. Who pick you up when you fall. Help you find your way home in the dark. They’re with you no matter what. No questions asked. No doubt about it.
6. Follow your passions and the things that make you want to get up in the morning. Jazzed and ready to go. Have big dreams. They don’t cost any more than the small ones. Your life will be so much richer for it. Do the things that you love to do first. And everything else will fall into place. Be enthusiastic. Get psyched. Pumped. Gung-ho. Embrace new ideas and ways of doing the things you already know. Be creative. Imaginative. Take the magical mystery tour of discovery. Go on an adventure. Expand. Grow. Cultivate. Hone. Take risks. Embrace the failures on the way to your successes. Learn and move on.
My son with “his lady” in Scotland on the adventure of their lives.
7. Be generous and magnanimous of spirit. With everything and everybody. Don’t be stingy. Don’t withhold. Don’t hang onto things. Never covet. Give of what you have. What you know. Give a little. Or a lot. But give. This isn’t necessarily about money. Nor material things. It can be. Nothing wrong with that. If you’ve got it. Give it. But it’s also about giving of yourself. Your time. Your energy. The natural gifts you came into the world with. Take every opportunity to share these with others. The more you do, the bigger you will be. This will make you happier than anything you ever imagined. For the more you give, the more you receive.
8. Be honest. A man of your word. Don’t make promises you can’t keep. Nor intend to. Be a man of integrity. Honorable. Upstanding. Someone you can rely on. Depend on. Be the good guy who shows up. Even in the stickiest of situations. Know that when you shake on something that you are doing more than pressing flesh. You are giving your word. Your bond. Don’t violate this sacred trust. Respect others and you will be respected in turn.
My two lovely men standing tall at our wedding.
9. Defend and stand up for something. Be righteous. Not self-righteous. Find causes close to your heart. Help those in need. Shelter the weak. The young. The very old. Once you accept the challenge, don’t put conditions on who you’ll help and who you won’t. Raise the bar on compassion. Kindness. Tolerance. Embrace your fellow travelers. Meet them eye to eye. Carry the placard. Wear the colors. Pin on the badge. But don’t force your beliefs down the throats of others. This is not a persuasive approach. Don’t cloud the issues with misplaced anger. This just creates mindless noise. Be humble. Not sanctimonious. Charitable. Not complacent. Be a leader when called upon. And a follower when the time is right. But most importantly, be a man that everyone wants in their corner.
10. Take care of yourself. Do whatever it takes. All the days of your life. Not just physically. But mentally. And spiritually. Do it for yourself. And for all the people who love you. Be active in every arena of your life. Find your sport. Get out there and move. Join a team. Or go it alone. Play hockey. Or a round of golf. Walk the dog. Or chase the kids. It’s all good. Learn to cook and eat well. Spend time looking inwards. Take a moment for introspection. Meditate. Pray. Go for walks alone with your thoughts. Get to know yourself. And “to thine own self be true.” Do these things and you will be the man we all love.
My Thing About God 