Diaries of The Breadman’s Daughter: The Photograph.

ma me dog on back steps at 204I love taking pictures. It’s just another one of those things that I come by honestly. I’m not a Pro, nor do I aspire to be. I just like to take pictures. Plain and simple.

My parents loved to photograph the sundry events of our domestic life. Both momentous and intimate alike. All the milestones were covered. So were the trivial, trifling and trumpery.

While browsing through our old family albums, it’s always photos of the small everyday things that captivate me the most. The prosaic and mundane events capture my imagination like no other. For it is in these ordinary images that I see the unguarded details and accidental gestures. They become the grand movements that spawn wonder, and where unexpected beauty dwells.

Everything from Ma in the kitchen stirring the Saturday night pot of spaghetti, with the food-worn wooden spoon that had grazed many lips and touched all of our tongues with its tanginess. Or The Old Man sitting in his favorite orange velvet swivel rocking chair, with his oversized horn-rimmed glasses perched on his nose, engrossed in the evening edition of the Times Chronicle. The exquisiteness of the waning summer light glinting through the living room picture window upon my unwitting father takes my breath away and stills my heart.

There were the bigger things too.

Like the photo taken of me on the Sunday I got Confirmed. There I stood in front of the Kodak Brownie camera looking more like a reluctant blushing bride than a religious devotee, who had just received the Gift of the Holy Spirit. Perhaps it was the combination of my not-so-holy Mona Lisa smile, the newly sanctified white leatherette Bible that I was clenching so fiercely to my precious budding bosom, and the unfashionable translucent off-white organza dress Ma bought from a secondhand shop just for this pious rite of passage. In the same cream-colored album, just a few pages later, there shines the real bride photo of my luminous sister-in-law in her fairytale wedding gown looking beyond radiant on the day she married my big brother.

Then there’s all those birthday party photos of me surrounded by my little friends in our fancy dresses and Sunday-best shoes. Sitting cross-legged on the grass or standing side-by-side posing, smiling and squinting into the glaring midsummer sun. Ma really knew how to throw a good party.

The silly lighthearted things were captured too. Like the night my sister decided to pin curl both my brothers’ hair. All the crazy amusing family antics. Giggling. Hoot and hollering. Laughing our guts out. All there. Perfectly preserved.

Pictures were taken everywhere. From the bathroom to the beach. Around the kitchen table and all around Lake Superior. In front of the Christmas tree and behind the back porch. Sitting on the front steps, the front lawn, the front seat of the car, in front of the TV, and in front of God.

Ma, in particular, had an abiding love for capturing the events of our lives. She had a Polaroid camera that brought her endless hours of fun and fascination. Its ability to seize a fragment of time instantaneously was a marvel to her. Holding the print in her fingers as the picture appeared within seconds. Right before her eyes. Pure magic. A modern day miracle. A wonder of wonders. Oh how she loved it so. I feel the same way about the photos I take on my iPhone. Mind blowing amazement.

As a result of all this finger-snapping photo-taking, I have a glorious visual documentation of my life. One that covers the panorama of events and emotions. From the bitter to the sweet. Snared at the intersection where joy meets sorrow. Where the profound punches the profane. The everyday and the spectacular events in the life of a regular ordinary family. Nothing special. Yet remarkable.

I have looked at these photos hundreds of times over the years. More so lately as I record the stories of my life growing up at 204.

The cracked and tattered black and white images from the early days. The washed-out color photos from the seventies. The blush-inducing eighties pics. All the nineties farewell kisses. Ma and The Old Man both died in early 2001, and with them went all the interesting, eccentric, peculiar, wonderful, joyful, melancholy, and magnificent photo ops.

There is a photo that I looked at this morning, as if for the very first time, although I had seen it countless times over the years. One of the black and whites taken by The Old Man.

My recollection of 204 was of a lovingly well-kept freshly painted white wartime house, with an enviable vegetable garden in back and beds of sunny happy Marigolds under the front window, with a beautiful Lilac bush that bloomed every June.

But this picture told a completely different story.

Staring down at the image in my hand I thought, “Holy shit. Were we really that fucking poor?” And then, shaking my head in disbelief, I thought, “The place was a run-down beat-up crummy shack.”

But as quickly as these thoughts passed through my mind, I saw this treasure of a photograph through my father’s youthful eyes.

Everything he held dear in life was in that photo. Ma, his beautiful Italian girl looking so lovely in her flowing cotton skirt of flowers. His shy baby girl with curious dark eyes just for him. The sweet gentle caramel colored mutt, with her ears perked up and dialed to his whistle. And of course, the leather baseball glove on the bottom step, ready for a game of catch.

Not so shabby.

Diaries of The Breadman’s Daughter: How to Throw a Party.

Beautiful birthday cards saved through the decades.

I just celebrated a birthday.  Truth is, I didn’t actually celebrate.  More like ignored. I’ve been doing my best to ignore birthdays for years.  Decades even.  It all started with a Eureka moment. The proverbial light went on so I could clearly see this one pivotal fact.  The road ahead wasn’t as long as it once was.  This was both a frightening and motivating experience.

Either way it changed my perspective on birthdays. I determined that these annual milestones needn’t be marked with illuminated melting candles that no longer fit on a nine-inch round layer cake.  No matter how delicious and tempting the icing may be.  Furthermore, my ability to blow out that many candles in one go has long expired.  It’s mortifying.  I’ve lost all my candle-blowing gusto. I am no longer full of wind.  I suppose that could be viewed as a good thing.  Even Martha Stewart would agree.

Parties are out of the question. Especially ones involving a surprise. The risk of heart failure from shocks of this nature has increased exponentially with each passing year.  Who needs that?  Shindigs of any sort are frowned upon. And make for an upside down happy face.  So does any other kind of hoopla or fandango.  A simple card or birthday greeting from my family and loved ones is all that I will ever need.  Just another day thank you very much.  I’m grateful for them all.

It wasn’t always this way of course.

My first birthday cake. Big sister G shares the moment.

Little back story.  A long long time ago and far far away in another galaxy I looked forward to this annual celebration. Waited with bated breath.  And bubbly anticipation.  I counted the days with irrepressible eagerness and unbridled enthusiasm.  This other galaxy existed in a small Northwestern Ontario town on a street lined with wartime houses and Manitoba Maple trees.  In one of these little wooden dwellings, number 204, Ma made party plans.

Birthday parties were simple affairs back then. At least compared to the extravaganzas of today.  There were no bouncy castles.  No rented movie theaters, ice rinks nor gyms with walls to climb. Nothing laser — tag, bowling or otherwise.  No party rooms at MacDonald’s or Wendy’s.  No zip-line adventures.  Nor any combination of these things.

The birthday parties of my wonder years were held in the home.  Or in the yard, if you were a summer birthday child like I was.  I’m not sure if this is true or not, but I don’t recall it ever raining on my birthday.  Even now I am hard-pressed to come up with a birthday that wasn’t warm and sunny.  I either have selective weather memory or the sun has always shone for me on this day. I am indeed blessed this way.

Invitations were either purchased at Kresge’s five and dime or made by hand.  Before I learned to read and write Ma filled out the invitations for me.  After grade two I painstakingly did this on my own.   It was a labor of love.  Every kid on the block got one hand delivered at least two weeks before the big occasion.  No one was left out.  Not even those I didn’t care for much.  Usually this was a boy.  My parties were all-inclusive until I was around 8 years old.  From age 8 to 12 there was a no-boys allowed policy in effect. During this brief window of time I believed boys weren’t necessary to have a good time.  Before and after that single-gender period boys were a big part of the social scene.  And have remained so ever since.

Posing in my party dress for my 3rd birthday.

My upcoming birthday party was the talk of the neighborhood for those two weeks.  Chatter abound.  I was one of the lucky ones in that no one else had a birthday around mine.  There was no one else to steal my thunder.  Rob my moment of glory.  My day in the sunshine.   For this one day each year I was the girl of the hour.  Or two.  Which was precisely how long these birthday celebrations lasted.

On the day before my birthday Ma baked my favorite cake.  Confetti Angel Food.  Smothered and swirled in pale pink butter icing.  Licking the spoon and scraping the bowl clean of every morsel of sweet goodness was almost as wonderful as the cake itself.  These special once-a-year cakes were colorfully happy.  Festive.  And most importantly yummy.  Nummy.  Lip-smacking scrumptilicious.  Mmmmm.  Goodness aside, the other phenomenal thing about these cakes was the hidden treasures baked within.  Little silver trinkets and copper pennies carefully wrapped in waxed paper and strategically placed throughout the cake so that every guest received one.  No one walked away without a prize.  We all felt like a million bucks discovering one of these.  Oh the fun we had opening our baked gems.  Winners all.  Hip hip hurray!  Enough to make pirates green with envy over our bountiful haul.

On the morning of my birthday, Ma got everything ready.  She baked a batch of my favorite cookies.  Shortbread.  In the centre of each she carefully placed a red Maraschino cherry.  Baking these traditional Christmas cookies off-season was just another way Ma expressed how dear I was to her.  Imagine the depth and breadth of her love.  One that knew no limits.  So great that she was willing to violate custom, even go behind Santa’s back to bake these precious buttery rich jewels.  I was thrilled.  While the cookies were baking, Ma boiled up a pot of eggs for sandwiches.  And not just any old egg sandwiches.  These were fancy.  The Old Man would bring home special loaves of bread that were cut lengthwise instead of in slices.  Ma would then spread her delectable egg filling across the lengths, place a convoy of dill pickles at one end and then roll them up into perfect cylinders.  She would place these eggy tubes in the fridge to chill and set until the party began.  Then she’d pull them out, slice them into perfect circular wheels, and arrange them beautifully on one of her best china platters.  They were exquisite.  Divine. Out of this world.

Best friends posing with our favorite dollies.

Everyone dressed up for birthday parties.  Only our best dresses and hair ribbons would do.  New shoes and fresh white ankle socks.  The boys in the crowd looked quite snazzy too.  About an hour before my guests were scheduled to arrive Ma helped me get ready.  Scrubbed from head toe.  Hair curled and brushed to one side.  Pretty party dress.  Twirl and spin the crinoline.

Group shot. My friend Poo attends with a broken leg.

At the precise hour indicated on the invitations my guests arrived, each carrying a beautifully wrapped gift with a card taped to the top.  Ma greeted everyone amiably, collected their gifts, and set them aside on the coffee table for later.  Once everyone was gathered, the games began.  Drop the clothes peg in the milk bottle.  Pin the tale on the donkey. Musical chairs.  Simon says. Bingo!  Such fun!  We giggled and cheered.  We clapped and chuckled.  Then it was time to open the presents.  One by one.  Oohs and ahhs.  Always a thank you after each one.  Ma saved all their precious birthday cards.  I still have the first decade’s worth taped inside the pages of the old Scrapbook Ma made for me. Tattered and torn.  Kittens and yarn.

Parties were now in full color during the no boys period.

Then the piece de resistance.  The moment we were all waiting for.  The cake!  Candles lit.  Chorus of the Birthday song sung. Top of the lungs loud.  Out of tune and off-key.  Terrible and terrific.  Candles were blown out in one single breath bringing a year of good luck to the birthday girl.  Ma cut the cake perfectly, ensuring that each guest received the same amount along with their baked surprise.

Two hours passed and it was time for Ma and I to say goodbye to our guests.  But not before photos were taken.  Out to the front lawn we marched.  There we posed before Ma’s Kodak Brownie.  Group shots.  Singles.  Pairs of friends.  Squinting into the sunshine.  Shy smiles.  And big grins.

It was the perfect day.  Ma really knew how to throw a great party.  Everyone agreed.

Thank you Ma for a lifetime of birthday cakes.  I miss them dearly.

The Scrapbook Ma made for me. Kittens and yarn.